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Resources for talking to parents about death

What is the most uncomfortable conversation you’ve ever had with your parents? Was it the first time you broke curfew or got into a fender-bender? Or maybe it came after you brought home a date who refused to eat your mom’s cooking.  

Many of us avoid talking to our parents about what will happen when they die, because it is uncomfortable, and we don’t want to think about it anyway. But if the worst were to happen, and they were to pass away suddenly, you would be faced with making lots of decisions on their behalf during a very stressful time, without really knowing what they would have wanted. 

Talking to your parents about end-of-life issues such as medical directives, funeral plans and wills can be a really healthy conversation to have, and give both of you the peace of mind that comes from having it all out in the open. 

So how do you start the conversation? First, pick a time when you and your parents are relaxed and able to have a discussion. You can start by simply asking them what to do if anything ever happened to them. Where their important papers are located, who to notify, etc.  They don’t have to share all of the details with you, but you do need to know where to find information when you need it. 

The conversation may naturally lead into their thoughts on funeral or cremation arrangements. Or it might not. Let the discussion flow, and perhaps revisit it another time if you don’t get all of the information you need.

A good time to have this conversation is before they take a trip or a planned vacation. They will probably already give you emergency contact information and an itinerary, so it can be a natural fit.

Another idea is to make your own arrangements, and sit down and discuss them with your parents so they will know your personal wishes. Then you can ask them if they have given any thought to their own plans. You can formalize arrangements with a cremation or funeral provider, or simply make some notes on what you do or do not want. 

At our funeral home, we make the advance planning process very simple, and we're always here if you have questions.

03 Sep, 2024
Grief in the Classroom: How Educators Can Support Grieving Students Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience that can affect anyone, including students. When a student is grieving, the impact can be far-reaching, influencing not only their emotional well-being but also their academic performance, social interactions, and overall sense of security. As educators, it is crucial to recognize the signs of grief and to provide a supportive environment where students can navigate their emotions in a healthy way. Understanding Grief in Students Grief can stem from various sources—loss of a family member, friend, pet, or even the upheaval of a major life change like divorce or relocation. Each student will process grief differently based on their age, personality, and the nature of the loss. Common emotional reactions include sadness, anger, confusion, anxiety, and even guilt. Physically, students might experience fatigue, headaches, or changes in appetite. Academically, grief can lead to difficulty concentrating, a decline in grades, or a lack of interest in school activities. Grieving students might also exhibit behavioral changes such as withdrawal from social interactions, irritability, or increased dependency on adults. Understanding these varied responses is the first step in providing the appropriate support. Creating a Supportive Classroom Environment Foster Open Communication Encourage students to express their feelings by creating a safe, non-judgmental environment. Let them know it's okay to feel sad or confused and that they can talk to you or another trusted adult whenever they need to. Use age-appropriate language to discuss grief and loss openly, which can help normalize these experiences. Offer Flexibility Grieving students may need time to process their emotions, which can make it challenging to meet deadlines or stay focused on assignments. Provide flexibility with homework, tests, and participation. Offer extensions or alternative assignments that are less demanding. This flexibility can ease the pressure on the student while allowing them to stay engaged in their education at their own pace. Incorporate Grief Resources Introduce grief-related books, activities, or discussions in the classroom that are appropriate for the age group. This can help students who are grieving feel understood and supported. It can also educate their peers about empathy and the impact of loss, fostering a more compassionate classroom community. Be Mindful of Triggers Certain activities, holidays, or topics may act as triggers for grieving students. Be sensitive to these potential triggers and offer alternatives or modifications when necessary. For example, if a class project involves creating a family tree, provide an option that allows the student to participate without causing distress. Encourage Peer Support Encourage students to support their grieving peers in positive ways. This could involve creating a buddy system, where a classmate checks in with the grieving student, or facilitating group activities that promote teamwork and empathy. Peer support can be incredibly powerful in helping students feel less alone in their grief. Maintain Routine with Compassion While it's important to be flexible, maintaining a routine can provide grieving students with a sense of normalcy and stability during a turbulent time. However, this should be balanced with compassion—understanding that the student may need to step away or take breaks when emotions become overwhelming. Grief is a challenging journey for anyone, but it can be particularly difficult for students who are still developing emotionally and cognitively. As educators, you play a pivotal role in supporting grieving students by creating a compassionate and flexible environment that acknowledges their pain while encouraging their continued growth. By fostering open communication, offering flexibility, and collaborating with school counselors, you can help grieving students navigate their emotions and find a sense of normalcy in the classroom. Your support can make a significant difference in their ability to cope with loss and continue their educational journey.
01 Sep, 2024
TED Talks about death and grief The subjects of loss and grief are worthy of deep discussion. As thinking, feeling beings, we’re aware of the inevitability of losing something or somebody we love. But internalizing that knowledge and really accepting that grief will be a part of our lives is a challenge. Thinking about the end of our own lives is an even greater challenge. Rather than write about these subjects this week, we’d like to share with you some TED Talk videos that have inspired us to think about death and loss in new ways and begin to understand the necessity of grieving. We hope you find inspiration here, too. Peter Saul - Let’s talk about dying Saul makes a fantastic case for thinking about, discussing, and taking ownership of the end of your life. As an intensive-care doctor who has witnessed the last moments of hundreds of patients, his message urges us to “occupy death,” and make the tough decisions about where and how we want to die. Dr. Geoff Warburton - The Adventure of grief Warburton, a psychologist and author, speaks to the idea that feelings of grief can be embraced as part of the adventure of living. He insists that our deepest, darkest emotions must be felt deeply in order to access the full range of emotions that make life worth living. Amanda Bennett - We need a heroic narrative for death By recounting the story of her husband’s death, Bennett explains how humans can reach a point of unwavering hope – which can also be considered denial – when a loved one is ill. Because death is so often seen as defeat, she makes a case for lifting up death as heroic and reflective of the glory and beauty of life. Alison Killing - There’s a better way to die, and architecture can help “Where we die is a key part of how we die.” Alison Killing approaches the subject of death from a unique perspective, examining the locations and buildings that play a part in how we experience the end of our lives. Kelli Swazey - Life that doesn’t end with death Anthropologist Swazey speaks about the culture of Tana Toraja, where the death of a loved one is a social experience involving celebration and rituals that develop over time. Under such circumstances, death becomes a part of the human story, and it can be considered beautiful.
19 Aug, 2024
Traveling can provide an insightful perspective into your life, but when you're grieving, that perspective often widens into something much more.
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31 Jul, 2024
When it comes to planning a funeral, many people have questions about what it entails and how to go about it.
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